Many couples feel trapped in a cycle of rejection when trying to navigate emotional and physical intimacy after having children. To understand and break this cycle, couples need understanding, empathy, open communication, and sometimes professional guidance. Overcoming rejection can ultimately foster deeper connection and renewed intimacy in your relationship.
Overcoming The Cycle Of Rejection In Your Relationship After Kids
Navigating intimacy and maintaining a healthy connection can become challenging after having children. Many couples find themselves trapped in a cycle of rejection and misunderstanding that strains their relationship. This blog post will help you to understand and overcome the cycle of rejection, fostering a deeper connection and renewed intimacy with your partner.
Breaking The Cycle Of Rejection: Understanding The Root Causes Of Your Disconnection
Have you been feeling stuck in a vicious cycle where either you or your partner frequently faces rejection? To overcome this, it’s crucial to understand the underlying causes.
The happiest couples are those who consistently empathise with each other and work to understand each other’s experiences. And beyond that, they treat each other with compassion. So they go out of their way to help when they see each other having a hard time.
While this sounds straightforward, it’s often challenging. When we’re feeling hurt or misunderstood, our focus is naturally on our own pain and what we need to feel better. So when both parties are feeling hurt and misunderstood, it gets harder and harder to find our empathy and compassion for each other.
Understanding The Cycle of Rejection
A major trigger for disconnection can be the cycle of initiation and rejection which creates awkwardness and discomfort in many relationships.
In many heterosexual relationships, one partner (often the man) initiates sex from a place of spontaneous desire for his partner, wanting to feel close to her the best way he knows how.
If his partner is exhausted with responsibilities, has little time to herself, and hasn’t had time to connect emotionally, she might perceive his advances as insensitive. She then rejects him, often in a way which feels just as insensitive to him as his initiation felt to her.
Feeling hurt, he withdraws, making it even harder for them to achieve the emotional connection needed for her to feel sexual again. But he does want to be close to her, so eventually he tries again, and the cycle repeats.
Gender Dynamics and Rejection
It’s important to consider the broader context of these interactions. In many heterosexual couples:
- The woman may perceive herself as having a lower libido, or even worry that there might be something wrong with her because our culture often views spontaneous desire as the norm (because male = default)
- The man might not think to seek closeness in other ways – because that same culture has taught him that showing emotion = feminine/bad, and being sexual = masculine/good
This cultural backdrop sets the stage for disconnection, hurt, and loneliness. To break the cycle of rejection, both partners need to see the situation from each other’s perspective. However, empathising like this is challenging when we’re feeling hurt and frustrated.
Steps To Overcoming the Cycle of Rejection
Breaking the cycle of rejection starts with empathy. By understanding the patterns in your behaviour and your partner’s, you can stop the initiation and rejection from feeling insensitive. This understanding will prevent the withdrawal and emotional disconnection that keeps you feeling so different to – and separate from – each other.
Back in the Sack is my sex after kids workbook, designed to help you understand and communicate your needs, break the cycle of rejection, and rekindle your intimacy. It will help you to understand what’s going on between you – and what you need to do to make it better – so you can both feel understood and get back to having regular, satisfying sex.
None of us means to be insensitive to our partners. And that’s true whether it’s in how we initiate sex, or in how we decline it. With a bit more understanding and some communication pointers, you can overcome the rejection cycle you’ve been stuck in. Then you can find a way forwards where you’re both getting your needs met.
Back In The Sack will support you to make the changes you need to break the frustrating and upsetting cycle of rejection and feel close again.
Practical Tips for Breaking The Cycle Of Rejection And Reconnecting
When couples get caught up in a cycle of rejection, it often starts to impact their connection outside the bedroom too. If you relate, here are a few practical tips to reconnect.
- Communicate Openly: Share your feelings and needs with your partner without blame.
- Show Empathy: Make an effort to understand your partner’s perspective.
- Prioritise Emotional Connection: Spend quality time together to strengthen your emotional bond.
- Seek Professional Help: Sometimes, working with a relationship coach can provide the tools and guidance needed to overcome persistent issues.
You can also read lots more practical advice on keeping your sex life alive while raising a family together here.
Overcoming Rejection And Getting Back In The Sack
No one intends to be insensitive to their partner, whether in initiating or rejecting intimacy. With a better understanding and effective communication, you can overcome the rejection cycle and meet each other’s needs. Back In The Sack will support you in making the necessary changes to start breaking this frustrating cycle today.
Get In Touch With Relationships While Parenting Expert Catherine Topham Sly Today
I work with individuals and couples who want loving, satisfying, joyful relationships with their partners, so they can make the most of family life.
You can find out more about working with me here, and contact me here.
You can download Back In The Sack here, and join the mailing list for expert advice on relationships after kids here.