fbpx
sax after kids

Sex After Kids

Back In The Sack, The Sex After Kids Workbook from Catherine Topham Sly

Sex after kids – let’s face it, it doesn’t always come easily.

Becoming a parent is tough on each of us as individuals and it’s tough on our relationships.

There’s the physical recovery from pregnancy and birth, and the discomfort in our bodies that sometimes comes with it.

There’s the sleep deprivation, the stress of learning to parent, the postnatal hormones.

Most of us feel differently about ourselves, our place in the world, and our partners, as well as the balance of freedom and responsibility in our lives.

It can feel for a while like there is less of everything to go around: less time, less talk, less sleep, less money, less freedom, less privacy.

And often there seems to be less closeness between us too: less intimacy, less touch, and less sex.

In fact it’s entirely natural for sex to drop down our list of priorities for a while.

Sex After Kids: Getting Back In The Sack

However, sometimes months or even years pass without us finding a way to reconnect physically.

And where we’re not connecting physically, we’re often not fully connecting emotionally either.

Life may have got a little easier, but most of us still feel overworked and overwhelmed at least some of the time (and especially by bedtime).

At this point, sex usually only comes back onto the agenda if we prioritise it.

Learn

Learn about the typical blocks and patterns that get in the way of parents enjoying an active sex life, and what you can do about them

Process

Contains over 30 journal prompts to support you to do a deep dive into what you want to change and how you’re going to change it

Communicate

Includes examples of how to start the conversation about sex, how you feel about it now, and how you can both get more of your needs met 

This workbook is amazing!

This workbook is amazing!!! We haven’t gone through it as quickly as I expected, but I’ve already seen incredible changes. Sending a big virtual hug to you from across the pond!

It helped SO much

We worked through the work books slowly and individually. We’ve been talking about it here and there but had sex off the table until we finished the books and had a chance to talk it out.

Last night we spent the whole evening going through it… it helped SO much. We both learned a lot about what was going on. We came up with a plan to prioritize naked time and get back into the groove. We agreed we just needed to bite the bullet and do it to take the pressure off. So we did. It was surprisingly good.

The MOST AMAZING resource

Just bought the workbook and have glanced through it. This is the MOST AMAZING resource I have ever seen!!!! I have wanted my husband to follow you on Instagram, but he’s not good with social media.

This workbook is the perfect solution. It’s not so long that it’s overwhelming, and you really capture the gist of what you say in your Instagram stories. I love the questions that will allow for some thought provoking conversations.

I can’t wait to start working on it and making some positive changes in our relationship. Thank you so much for all you do!!! I hope you know what big impacts you’re making in people’s lives. 

You've helped us so much with navigating this weirdly hard thing

I know this is just the beginning but you’ve helped us so much with navigating this weirdly hard thing. We are SO great together on so many levels and this was just the one thing we both couldn’t seem to fix on our own.

Changed my mindset

Hi Catherine I wasnted to say thank you for all your recent posts about sex. It’s made me think a lot and changed my mindset and let’s just say we’ve turned at least one part of our relationship around after years of having young kids and this impacting things. I won’t go into detail, you don’t need that haha, but we’ve had a great week and it feels like the honeymoon stage again.

A game changer

Hi Catherine! I just wanted to let you know that finding your account, reading and watching your posts and stories have a been a game changer for me and my relationship. We have a 6mo and a good relationship overall, but the sex side of things had been tricky for the last 2/3 years.

Having open and honest conversations and getting out of my head when it comes to the physical side has made such a big difference. And your advice has been the catalyst to this! Thank you so much. 

Changing my life

I have never felt so seen. Thank you for what you do on this channel. You are truly changing my life by making me realize I’m not crazy for feeling this way.

I feel more connected

I am a new follower here but already am seeing how we need to be more intentional about communicating our needs and I feel more connected to him than I did before just from better conversations. I’m so grateful to have found this page. Thank you!

The Back In The Sack Workbook

I’m Catherine Topham Sly, a communication and intimacy specialist BACP accredited counsellor.

I help couples to reconnect after kids, and stay close – both inside and outside the bedroom.

I’ve written this workbook to support you on your journey back to being lovers again.

It is packed full of information about:

  • The typical pattern that couples fall into that gets in the way of them enjoying physical and emotional intimacy, and how to break it
  • The challenge of going from coparents by day to lovers by night, and how you can overcome it
  • How a mindful approach to sex can get you out of your head and back to feeling pleasure through sex
  • The deeper meaning of the cycle of rejection, and how to break it
  • The importance of considering what “Mum” or “Dad” means to you for reclaiming your sex life
  • How to start a conversation about sex (with lots of examples!)
  • How sex actually happens in long-term relationships

It also includes over 30 journal prompts to help you to work through:

  • The importance of sex for you and your relationship
  • Your blocks to fully and freely enjoying sex with your partner
  • How you can make the switch from being a sensible, dependable parent to a free, passionate lover
  • How your body, how you feel about it, and your bodily sensations might have changed, and what to do about it
  • How you can better understand your partner and feel more connected
  • Asking for what you want and need in order to get in the mood have great sex

Download your workbook for just £16 and get started on your journey back to being lovers again today.

So many things were helpful

So many things were helpful that it is hard to choose just one. Most helpful was probably how compassionate you were towards me. This slowly helped me shift the way that I relate to myself. Counselling felt like a very safe and warm space, in which I could  look at myself with more kindness and allow myself to express feelings and needs. This has helped me personally as well as making me more open in my relationships with other people, privately and at work. Thank you Catherine. The two years with you have meant a lot to me and have changed me in many ways.

Individual Therapy, October 2020

Really good value for money

I felt that my session was really good value for money because Catherine shared models of relationships, gave me recommendations for further therapy, gave me the space to talk, challenged (in a positive way) my position so that I could reflect and she also got me thinking about the areas that I would benefit from working on. Overall, I felt that she held a very effective clinical space, whilst also creating feelings of warmth and understanding. 

One-off Coaching Session, November 2020

I could not have asked for a better independent witness to my story

I could not have asked for a better independent witness to my story than Catherine. As she joined me on my journey she was kind and supportive. Encouraging me to see things in a different light. I will probably return at some stage; Catherine's instinctive approach and skill of picking out key elements in my narrative helped me make sense of things at this difficult time for me. Thank you. Everything was clear & straight forward. Which is no mean feat when you are operating in a global pandemic!!

Individual Therapy, August 2020

Catherine always remained calm and collected

Catherine always remained calm and collected even during times filled with conflict in couples therapy. She managed to bring back my then boyfriend to a calmer state and I felt like she was standing up for me when I couldn't. I felt like I had a good bond with her and trusted her so that I could open up in front of her.

Couples Therapy, August 2020

I feel I am in a very different place

One of the most useful things about going to counselling was learning so much about myself. I feel I am in a very different place from when I first started and I owe it to the support and help which Catherine offered. I will not rule out returning if I feel I need to, but for now I feel happy with the place I am in.

Individual Therapy, July 2019

Such a calming force

[Catherine] was such a calming force, I felt very supported, she pointed out a few things I should look at, gave a book recommendation, she reframed some of the issues I had swirling around in my head, and she was able to bring the conversation to really nice ending point.

One-off Coaching Session, February 2021

I really found the whole experience really helpful

[What was most helpful about your counselling?] Having a different perspective on my situation and what I was going through. Talking through how I was feeling and then being directed by Catherine to look at things in a different way and make connections to other parts of my life and relationships helped to make sense of things. I really found the whole experience really helpful and exactly what I needed at the point I was at. Thank you for your help.

Individual Therapy, June 2018

You were excellent

Thanks for all your help. I will be in touch if I need to in the future. You were excellent.

Couples Therapy, November 2017

She helped me through the fog of self doubt

Catherine describes herself as a demystifier – and she is. But not just of psychobabble. She helped me through the fog of self doubt, delusion, depression that clouded me in a difficult period of my life. And in place of fog she helped install the ropes and tackle I needed to climb onto dry land, out from the cold, and find a seat back by the fire. But equally, she possesses a superpower (and a useful one for a therapist): she has an off-the-chart ability to listen. To make you hear her listening, to adjust the quality of silence you sometimes need to say what you didn’t know you were going to say, to make you feel heard. Her empathy is palpable; yet I’ve never once felt patronised. Most extraordinary is that she does all this without judgement or prejudice, but with sincerity and good humour. It’s pretty much the perfect combination and I can’t think of anybody who wouldn’t benefit from talking to Catherine. And I can’t thank her enough.

Individual Therapy, January 2018

Definitely go for it

[What was most helpful about working with Catherine?] The clarity of her questions, including when completing the questionnaire before the session. Catherine's style of covering the points that I raised in a direct but sensitive way; I felt extremely well heard and held.

[What would you tell someone else who was considering working with Catherine?] Definitely go for it; Catherine is very professional and very good at what she does.

One-off Coaching Session, November 2020

Catherine was wise and supportive

Catherine was wise and supportive, picking out elements of my story and helping me see things in a different way. I will probably return at some stage; Catherine has been very kind and helpful at a difficult time in my life.

Individual Therapy, August 2017

The help you’ve given me has been invaluable

I just want to say a huge thank you for the past year. The help you’ve given me has been invaluable and I’ve learnt so much about myself, my past, and my relationship to the wider world. Your guidance and help will stand to me for the rest of my life and I’ve made so many positive changes in the past year, a lot of which I feel I owe to you. Thank you so much for everything.

Individual Therapy, May 2017

I got more out of that one hour than I expected

[What would you tell someone else who was considering working with Catherine?] She'll help "calm the crazy" as I like to say. Motherhood and marriage is messy and amazing and hard. It's such a huge life transition and so little is discussed around it. Catherine really validated my experience and gave me some great advice.

I got more out of that one hour than I expected. I really appreciated it. It made me want to sign up with her as my therapist!

One-off Coaching Session, February 2021