This blog post explores the whether it’s normal to resent your partner after having a baby, the difference between occasional and chronic resentment, and the consequences of accepting it as normal. It emphasises the importance of taking feelings seriously and addressing underlying needs to build a stronger, healthier relationship and a happy family.
Navigating Resentment in Relationships After Having a Baby
Entering parenthood is a life-altering experience that can bring immense joy, and also presents new challenges to couples. One common struggle faced by many new parents is the feeling of resentment towards their partner. In fact when I asked on Instagram, 96% of you said you struggle with resentment. So is it normal to resent your partner after having a baby? Does it matter if you do? And what can you do about it?
In this blog post, we’ll delve into whether it’s normal to resent your partner after having a baby, the difference between occasional and chronic resentment, and the consequences of accepting this feeling as normal. Additionally, we’ll discuss the importance of taking your feelings seriously and how recognising them as messengers can help identify and address underlying needs in your relationship.
Is It Normal to Feel Resentment Towards Your Partner After Having A Baby?
It’s normal to feel the full spectrum of emotions.
It’s normal to feel angry, sad, surprised, afraid, disgusted, happy… and everything else, every day!
The Difference Between Occasional and Chronic Resentment
BUT there’s a difference between having moments of resentment, and getting stuck in a state of chronic resentment.
(By chronic, I mean persistent, recurring, unresolved.)
You’re more likely to get stuck feeling resentful if you accept it as a normal part of life as parents. If you think, “this is just how it is once you have kids”.
If you agree that “it’s normal to resent your partner after having a baby”, this is an example of a limiting belief.
A limiting belief is anything you think to be true that holds you back in some way.
So yes, it’s normal to resent your partner sometimes, especially after having a baby.
But that feeling is a messenger about what you need.
The Consequences of Accepting Resentment as Normal: The Impact on Your Relationship and Your Kids
If you’re accepting resentment as just a normal part of being in a relationship and/or raising kids together, you and your partner are both missing out.
You’re both missing out on opportunities to feel closer, and get on better. (And your kids are missing out on all the benefits of having parents who are truly connected.)
Because that’s what happens when we listen to our feelings and state our needs: we’re happier, and more relaxed, and easier to get along with.
I know you want a happy, satisfying relationship with your partner. You want it because it’s the future you dreamed about. And you want it because you know it will provide a strong foundation for your kids.
This is why I’ve written a free guide to resolving resentment, which will talk you through:
- Why it’s so common to resent your partner after having a baby
- What you need to do to change it (an easy 7-step plan)
Click the link to download yours and get started feeling more relaxed and contented with your partner today.
Why Your Feelings, Including Resentment, Matter
Repeat after me: my feelings matter.
MY FEELINGS MATTER.
Can you say it out loud?
MY FEELINGS MATTER
MY FEELINGS MATTER
MY FEELINGS MATTER.
Let me tell you, it matters when you feel sad.
It matters when you feel happy.
It matters when you feel scared.
And it matters that you feel resentful.
Taking Your Feelings Seriously
When other people (parents, caregivers, partners) have dismissed or invalidated our feelings, we sometimes start to dismiss or invalidate them too.
I’m not interested in blaming anyone; I’m interested in making things better.
These days, most of us know better than our parents did.
We know that we need to listen to our children, and take them seriously.
How are you doing at listening to yourself?
How are you doing at taking yourself seriously?
Your feelings matter.
Your resentment matters.
Recognising Feelings as Messengers: Resolving Resentment by Identifying and Addressing Needs
Feelings are how we know that something needs to change.
So “I feel cold” = I need to put a jumper on.
“I feel hungry” = I need something to eat.
“I feel lonely” = I need company, connection, to feel seen and understood.
And as for “I feel resentful”… what does it mean?
Download my free guide to resolving resentment and find out what you need to feel better today.
Your feelings matter. Take yours seriously and start making that change today.
Is It Normal To Resent Your Partner After Having A Baby? Additional Resources to Help With Resentment in Relationships
In summary, it is normal to occasionally feel resentment towards your partner after having a baby. However, it’s crucial to recognise and address these feelings instead of allowing them to become chronic, as this is when they will start to negatively impact your relationship. By taking your feelings seriously and understanding that they are messengers about your needs, you can work towards resolving resentment and building a stronger, more contented relationship.
Download my free guide to resolving resentment to help you navigate this challenging phase in your relationship, and prioritise the healthy and happy partnership which provides a strong foundation for your growing family.
If you found this article about whether it’s normal to feel resentment towards your partner helpful, you might like to check these out too:
- How To Resolve Resentment in Relationships: Tackling Shared Responsibilities
- How To Deal With Resentment Towards Your Partner
- The Contented Relationship Guide, my short course all about how to go from resentment to contentment