This blog shares ten expert-backed tips for building a happy relationship after kids. From staying curious about your partner to handling conflict with care, it offers practical advice rooted in research and lived experience. Learn how small everyday actions can deepen connection and help your relationship thrive throughout parenthood.

Top Tips for a Happy Relationship After Kids

Parenthood changes everything. Amid the noise, the mess, and the responsibilities, it can be hard to feel like you’ve got anything left for each other at the end of the day. Most couples find it hard, but it’s absolutely possible to get back on track, and to develop a deeper connection than you had before. A happy relationship after kids can be yours – and often, it’s the small things that make the biggest difference.

Based on the incredible research of the Gottman Institute into what really makes for lasting, satisfying relationships, here are my ten top tips for a happy relationship after kids.

10 Top Tips for a Happy Relationship After Kids

1. Never think you’ve finished getting to know your partner

We’re all growing and changing all the time – especially after becoming parents. Keep asking questions, stay curious, and make space to hear about your partner’s evolving thoughts and experiences. A quick “how was your day?” is a good start, but deeper questions will help you stay emotionally connected. You can grab my free questions download here if you’re not sure where to begin.

2. Stay respectful and complimentary

It’s easy to fall into the trap of only speaking about your relationship when something’s gone wrong. Instead, look for opportunities to show affection and express appreciation – out loud. A kind word during a hectic bedtime or a quick “thanks for doing that” can really shift the atmosphere.

3. Look for the positive

Did you know that unhappy couples only notice around half of the positive things their partners do? It’s not because they don’t care – it’s just what happens when stress and resentment build up. Train yourself to notice the good – then mention it.

4. Respond to your partner

Most of the time, when your partner speaks, they’re trying to connect with you – even if it doesn’t sound like it. Turn towards them with small moments of acknowledgment, eye contact, or a “yeah?” rather than brushing them off, even when there’s a lot going on. These responses build a stronger foundation than big romantic gestures ever could. (Read more about the three ways we respond to our partners and how to make your responses more positive here.)

5. Plan quality time together

Spontaneity is lovely, but it’s not always realistic with kids. If you want to feel closer, you’ll most likely need to put time together the diary. Even 10 minutes with your phones away having a cup of tea together can work wonders if you do it often. Bigger chunks – like a night out or a weekend away – don’t just happen. How we spend our time shows what we really prioritise, so show your partner they still matter to you by making time to be together.

6. Talk about your hopes and dreams

It’s easy for life to get taken over by logistics and laundry. Talk about what matters to you – your dreams, your fears, your goals. Ask your partner what’s important to them right now, and find ways to support each other. This is what gives your relationship a sense of shared meaning beyond the kids.

7. Let your partner’s views influence you

Happy couples aren’t the ones who always agree – they’re the ones who are open to influence. That means really listening and considering your partner’s perspective, even when you disagree. There are two sides to every miscommunication and disagreement, and both realities are valid. So if you want to get on better, prioritise understanding your partner’s feelings and position over convincing them of yours.

8. When things turn sour, repair them

It’s completely normal to have arguments or tense moments. The important part is what happens next. Don’t ignore it or pretend it didn’t happen, repair it. That might mean a heartfelt apology, a shared laugh, or a “can we try that again?” You can download my list of repair phrases here if you’re not sure where to start.

9. Work on how you handle conflict

Conflict isn’t a sign something’s wrong – it’s a sign you care. What matters is how you navigate it. That means raising issues gently, letting your partner influence you, making repair attempts, and compromising. Stay curious, and look for the values and needs underneath the surface of what your partner is saying. (They’re often shared, even when you disagree about how to get there!)

10. Strengthen your friendship

This one might sound obvious, but it’s so often overlooked. Remember: you liked each other before you loved each other! Talk, laugh, and find ways to enjoy each other again. Think about how you were when you first got together, and honour that history by staying connected as you build your life together.

Final Thoughts: What Makes a Happy Relationship After Kids?

When I reflect on these top tips for a happy relationship after kids, one thing stands out: it all comes down to treating each other with warmth, care, and curiosity. This tells your partner that they’re still someone you respect and admire.

This isn’t always easy, of course. All relationships have their dark days. And I’m not sure that any of us consistently behaves in ways that are truly worthy of admiration every single day. (I know I don’t!)

But if you want to bring out the best in your partner, it helps to remember that people have a way of living up to our expectations of them. As the brilliant Dan Savage describes,

“That’s the only way you become ‘the one’ – it’s because somebody is willing to pretend you are. ‘The one’ that they were waiting for, ‘the one’ they wanted, their ‘one’.”

When you commit to rising above those darker days and starting again from a place of generosity and understanding with each new dawn, you can build a happy relationship that will make you and your kids proud.

If you’re ready to get back on the same team and build a relationship you’re proud of – one that models love and connection for your kids – it all starts with small, intentional actions like these.