How do you feel about Christmas? It can bring joy, stress, or a mix of emotions. This blogpost explores the pressures parents face, from managing routines to setting boundaries. Learn practical tips for navigating emotions, sharing the mental load, and creating meaningful moments for you and your loved ones to reclaim joy and connection this Christmas.
How Do You Really Feel About Christmas?
Christmas. It’s the season of joy, togetherness, and magic… or is it? For many parents, the festive period feels more like a marathon of stress, expense, and emotional overwhelm than a time to relax and connect. So, how do you feel about Christmas?
Let’s unpack the expectations, pressures, and emotional rollercoaster that can come with this time of year – and explore how to get through it in a way that feels good for you… and works for your relationship.
Why Christmas Can Be Tough on Relationships
December brings a lot more than twinkling lights and festive spirit. It often piles on stress that can test even the strongest relationships. And for couples who are already struggling, it can bring you to breaking point.
The Mental Load of Christmas
Who’s doing the planning, shopping, wrapping, decorating, tidying, cleaning, cooking, and entertaining? Do you have to work, or do you have “time off”, which is mostly spent looking after everyone else’s needs? If you’re taking responsibility for more of the work it takes to make Christmas happen, it’s no wonder if you feel resentful. An unequal division of labour will leave you feeling unseen and undervalued, creating tension between you and your partner.
Having to entertain the kids without school or childcare can be hard enough, without the extra pressure to make it special. The children might be out of sorts, with the disruption to their routines and all that stimulation. It’s normal to find it all quite exhausting.
Disrupted Routines
Kids off school, endless social commitments, and too much sugar – it’s a recipe for overstimulation and frazzled parents. Add financial pressures, seasonal bugs, and the emotional weight of often complex family dynamics, and it’s easy to see how your relationship might feel strained.
Unrealistic Expectations
The “perfect” Christmas is everywhere: on TV, in movies, and on social media. But the pressure to create magical memories can backfire, leaving you feeling inadequate or isolated, even in a room full of people. Any pressure you feel to be in the “right” mood or stay cheerful will only add to the weight of unrealistic expectations.
Meanwhile, romanticised depictions of Christmas as a time for love and togetherness can make it even harder if you’re feeling disconnected from your partner. And if you’re facing the season without someone you’ve lost, the pain can feel sharper against the backdrop of Christmas cheer.
How Do You Feel About Christmas? Your Emotional Landscape
So how do you actually feel during the festive season? Happy, excited, anxious, overwhelmed, sad, lonely, fed up, or indifferent? Maybe a mix of all these emotions? Let’s take a closer look at why those feelings matter.
Why Do We Feel Guilty About Our Emotions?
Many of us grew up learning to suppress so-called “negative” feelings like anger, sadness, or frustration. But emotions aren’t bad; they’re just data. They’re your body’s messaging system, telling you something about what you need.
Did you grow up in a household where you were told to “cheer up” or “stop making a fuss”? If so, you might find yourself judging your emotions, particularly at times you think are supposed to be joyful. Feeling sad or frustrated when everyone else seems happy can trigger guilt or shame, making it even harder to process your feelings.
How To Welcome And Benefit From Your Emotions
When you accept your emotions as just data about what you need and want, it becomes easier to welcome them. Remind yourself that emotions are not in themselves good or bad. Some feel more comfortable than others – that’s how they tell us what we what to move towards and what we want to move away from.
If you think you shouldn’t feel a certain way, you’re less likely to acknowledge it. However, emotions are persistent, and can even morph into other feelings we do recognise in order to get our attention. The most common of these are anxiety (more frequent in women, who have been often been brought up not to show anger) and anger (more common in men, who have often been raised not to show fear.)
Taking some time to recognise your feelings and think about what they mean for you can make a big difference to your mood.
The Impact of Past Experiences
For some, Christmas brings back painful memories. If you’ve had difficult Christmases in the past, especially as part of a challenging childhood, you might feel unsettled around this time of year, and perhaps worry about things going wrong again. Unresolved emotions especially can make this season feel heavy, and finding a way to work through them can make a big difference now and for years to come.
How To Deal With Difficult Emotions During Christmas
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes, but you don’t have to let those feelings derail your festive season. Here are some practical ways to handle the emotional highs and lows with a bit more confidence:
1. Check In With Yourself
Can you find a time each day to pause and spend just five minutes identifying how you’ve been feeling? See if you can name your emotions and allow yourself to sit with them without judgment – putting a name to your feelings can reduce their intensity. This simple act of self-awareness can help you make choices that align with your values and needs.
2. Label Your Emotions
Research has found that people who are better at recognising and labelling their feelings have better mental health, greater satisfaction with their work lives and relationships, and fewer physical symptoms like headaches and backaches.
If you find this difficult, you can use a list of feelings to expand your emotional vocabulary. This can help you communicate more effectively with your partner and family too.
3. Take Small Steps to Meet Your Needs
Feelings often signal unmet needs. Are you overwhelmed because you’re carrying too much? Could you ask for help, or simplify your plans? Practise listening to your emotions as you would a friend – with curiosity and compassion.
4. Seek Professional Support
If your emotions feel overwhelming, or you find it difficult to make sense of them, a counsellor can help you process them in a healthy way. Don’t wait until you’re at breaking point – support is available.
When Boundaries Feel Impossible
When you pay attention to your emotions, you might feel like you want to do things differently, and this can sometimes meet resistance from others.
Many families struggle with setting boundaries at this time of year. You might feel torn between wanting to please others and protecting your own wellbeing. Negotiating boundaries with your partner or extended family can feel fraught, but it’s essential for preserving your mental health.
Practical Tips for Boundary-Setting
- Start with clarity. What’s most important to you this Christmas? Communicate your priorities with your partner so you can have the best chance of finding common ground between the two of you and presenting a united front with others.
- Practise saying no. It’s okay to decline invitations or traditions that don’t serve you.
- Anticipate resistance. Some people might not like your boundaries, and that’s okay. You’re allowed to stick to what feels right for you and your family.
Finding Joy and Connection This Christmas
What if this Christmas wasn’t about perfection, but about meeting your needs and those of your loved ones? Here’s how to get there:
- Set realistic expectations. Talk with your partner about dividing responsibilities. Sharing the load isn’t just fairer; it’s better for your relationship.
- Focus on what matters most. Forget about what other people are doing and lean into what makes this time of year feel special to you.
- Protect your boundaries. I’m going to say it again: it’s okay to say no to invitations or traditions that don’t make you feel good.
By letting go of the pressure to create a perfect or magical Christmas, you might actually find you relax enough to make space for more moments of genuine joy and connection.
How Do You Feel About Christmas? And What Can You Do About It?
Whether you’re dreading the Christmas break or looking forward to it, your feelings matter. They’re clues about what you need to create a meaningful, satisfying life for yourself and your family.
What Can You Do To Make The Most Of This Festive Season?
- Listen to your emotions. Check in with yourself daily and take note of what your feelings are telling you about what you need.
- Share the load. Communicate openly about your needs and divide responsibilities with your partner.
- Create space for joy. Take care of your own needs first. Even a small, quiet moment to yourself can make a difference to how present you can then be with your family. (My personal favourite is a brisk 15-minute walk around the block to reset.)
How Do You Feel About Christmas? Could Strengthening Your Relationship Get You In A Better Place For Next Year?
I hope it’s been helpful to take some time to reflect on this important question: how do you feel about Christmas?
My wish for you this Christmas is that you find time to pay attention to how you’re feeling, and think about what it’s telling you about what you need. With that information, may you find the courage to make choices that are right for you, while respecting the needs of others. That might mean having a soft drink, going for a walk, declining an invitation, reaching out to a friend, or having an early night. It will probably mean talking to your partner about how you’re dividing your shared responsibilities, too.
Go easy on yourself. You can only do your best. You absolutely deserve to enjoy a season of understanding, connection and care, and so do your loved ones.
If your feelings about Christmas have highlighted areas you want to work on in your relationship, you can find out more about relationship coaching and therapy here. You can also join the mailing list here.