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About Catherine, Relationships After Kids Expert Therapist & Coach

My Approach To Individual And Couples Counselling

 

My name is Catherine Topham Sly, and I’m a warm and welcoming professional counsellor, writer, and speaker.

I work with adult individuals and couples who want to make changes and feel better – in Brighton and Hove and online.

When you decide to come for counselling with me, whether on your own or with a partner, we’ll work together to make sense of your problems and find a way forwards.

I’ll give you the space to tell your story and unravel your thoughts and feelings. I will listen not only with empathy, but also with an objective distance that enables me to make links you may not have noticed.

I’ll offer my ideas to you with an open mind. This way we can think together about what you need, and how you can get it.

Through my training and experience – professional and personal – I have a deep understanding of the range of difficulties that bring people to counselling. I also have a great respect for anyone who is brave enough to face their struggles and explore what they can do about them.

I often think the core aim of counselling is best summed up by the serenity prayer. If you’re looking to achieve serenity (or something close to it!) therapy can help. Through our work together, you’ll develop the wisdom to work out what you cannot change and accept it, and the courage  and skills to change the things you can.

The best way to find out whether I would be the right therapist for you would be to book an assessment, but if you would like to know a little more about my background first, please read on.

Catherine Topham Sly’s Professional Background

 

My academic background is in linguistics, the scientific study of language. I took a particular interest in psycholinguistics and sociolinguistics: what the things we say and how we say them tell us about ourselves and how we relate to others.

After University, I worked at a communications consultancy. I managed people and projects, and developed my listening skills as a market research focus group facilitator and trainer. I enjoyed the work, but found the corporate world unfulfilling. So in 2011, I started training as a counsellor, then in 2017 a couples counsellor.

Boring but important: I have a postgraduate Diploma in Counselling and Therapy from Northbrook College, Sussex, and am an accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy working to their ethical framework. I’m also a member of the International Centre For Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy.

 

Catherine Topham Sly, Relationships After Kids Specialist Therapist

 

Since becoming a parent in 2009, and having my second child in 2012, I noticed a theme among my peers: parenthood takes a massive toll on couple relationships, but no one seems to want to talk about it. Always drawn to anything taboo, I started talking about it, firstly on Instagram, and then on podcasts and beyond.

I was keen to bust the taboo, and also to use my skills to support as many families as I could through the often difficult transition into parenthood. In 2019, I combined my expertise on what makes healthy, satisfying relationships with my workshop leadership skills. I launched Relationship Goals 2.0, a regular, relaxed event where parents learned the skills and habits that keep couples close, while having fun together in a room above a pub in Hove.

When the Covid pandemic hit, I wanted to do something to support young families in lockdown together. So I released the online course Love in Lockdown. This self-paced course is still available, and recommended to anyone who finds themselves getting into conflict with their partner when under stress.

In 2020, I also released Back In The Sack, the PDF workbook which has helped hundreds of couples to get their sex lives back on track after kids.

 

The Answer To How To Have A Happy Relationship After Kids

 

The more I spoke publicly about relationships after kids, the more I worked with couples in this challenging phase of life. And I kept seeing the same patterns. Couples who love each other struggling to build a life which makes them both happy together. Mothers trying to give to their partners when they feel like they’ve lost themselves. So much anxiety and resentment. Worrying your differences make you incompatible. Criticism, defensiveness, and “stop trying to fix it for me, I just want you to listen!” not getting through. Partners putting up with things they’re not really okay with, then blowing up, then nothing changing. Frustrated, struggling to communicate. And intimacy? How are you supposed to get close when you’re trying to deal with all of that?!

Knowing the value of the answers I held, I wanted to find a way to give more couples the secrets to lasting happiness together. In 2020, I created Love Happy Live Free, which was originally a group coaching programme, but since 2022 is available for you to complete directly with me, whenever you need it. On this programme I coach you through (with or without your partner), step by step, how you can create a life and relationship which make you truly happy.

You’ll build a life where you know and accept yourself, and know what to do with your emotions. Where you feel confident that you’re modelling a healthy love for your children. Where the patterns in your relationship are ones which bring you deep understanding, empathy, and mutual support. Where you know how to express yourself clearly and calmly, so you both get more of what you want, and feel closer for it. A life where you’re happier, more relaxed, and closeness with your partner feels like it comes naturally again.

Love Happy Live Free does all of this because it’s not like any other relationship course. It’s a complete personal development and relationship skills training programme, which will change you, and change your relationships.

Get Started Now

 

Expanding The Impact Of Love Happy Live Free To Help More Families

 

Love Happy Live Free is also now delivered by the fantastic relationship and psychosexual therapist Elinor Harvey. If you’re a couples therapist who’s interested in working with me to expand the reach of this powerful coaching programme, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Get In Touch

2023 – Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy for Attachment Trauma, PESI UK

2022 – Externship in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, International Centre for Excellence in EFT

2019 – Certificate in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, EFT International School

2017-2018 – Certificate in Clinical Supervison, The Rock Clinic

2017 – Certificate in Working with Couples, The Link Centre

2014 – Transactional Analysis 101 Certificate, Northbrook College

2012-2014 – Postgraduate Diploma in Counselling and Therapy, Northbrook College

2011 – NCFE Level 2 Award in Helping Skills, City College Brighton and Hove

2011 – CPCAB Level 2 Award in Introduction to Counselling Skills, Varndean College

2003-2006 – BA Hons Linguistics (2:1), University of Sussex

2016-Present – Counsellor in private practice, Insight & Connection (formerly Hove Counselling & Therapy)

2013-2018 – Counsellor, Rock Clinic Association, Brighton

2006-2010 – Workshop facilitator and trainer, Space Doctors, Brighton

2018 – Accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy

2016 – Registered Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy

Really good value for money

I felt that my session was really good value for money because Catherine shared models of relationships, gave me recommendations for further therapy, gave me the space to talk, challenged (in a positive way) my position so that I could reflect and she also got me thinking about the areas that I would benefit from working on. Overall, I felt that she held a very effective clinical space, whilst also creating feelings of warmth and understanding. 

One-off Coaching Session, November 2020

Definitely go for it

 

What would you tell someone else who was considering working with Catherine?

Definitely go for it; Catherine is very professional and very good at what she does.

One-off Coaching Session, November 2020

I got more out of that one hour than I expected

What would you tell someone else who was considering working with Catherine?

She'll help "calm the crazy" as I like to say. Motherhood and marriage is messy and amazing and hard. It's such a huge life transition and so little is discussed around it. Catherine really validated my experience and gave me some great advice.

I got more out of that one hour than I expected. I really appreciated it. It made me want to sign up with her as my therapist!

One-off Coaching Session, February 2021

Practical examples of things to try

What was most helpful about working with Catherine?

Normalising patterns and behaviour that I am experiencing within my relationship currently. Offering hope that things can improve, giving me practical examples of things to try and tweak over the next few weeks. Giving me the permission to continue on my growth journey without expecting my partner to be on the same path or feeling responsible for his growth and overall life satisfaction. Also being encouraged to write about some of the topics you wanted to cover on the call in as much detail as you wanted was really liberating. Catherine took great care in digesting my information and usefully played it back to me during out session. She also sent many useful resources afterwards which I have been able to digest at my own pace.

One-off Coaching Call, March 2021

So many things were helpful

So many things were helpful that it is hard to choose just one. Most helpful was probably how compassionate you were towards me. This slowly helped me shift the way that I relate to myself. Counselling felt like a very safe and warm space, in which I could  look at myself with more kindness and allow myself to express feelings and needs. This has helped me personally as well as making me more open in my relationships with other people, privately and at work. Thank you Catherine. The two years with you have meant a lot to me and have changed me in many ways.

Individual Therapy, October 2020

I could not have asked for a better independent witness to my story

I could not have asked for a better independent witness to my story than Catherine. As she joined me on my journey she was kind and supportive. Encouraging me to see things in a different light. I will probably return at some stage; Catherine's instinctive approach and skill of picking out key elements in my narrative helped me make sense of things at this difficult time for me. Thank you. Everything was clear & straight forward. Which is no mean feat when you are operating in a global pandemic!!

Individual Therapy, August 2020

Her manner was calm and comforting

What made you decide to book a call with Catherine?

Her content on Instagram really resonated with me in terms of what I was going through with my partner. On her stories her manner was calm and comforting. She had a sense of quiet confidence about her and pragmatism in the way she approached different topics.

One-off Coaching Call, March 2021

Catherine is pragmatic, considerate, practical

Catherine is pragmatic, considerate, practical. She puts you at ease, listens and is what she preaches curiously compassionate 😉 She takes all the potential shame or guilt around asking for help out of the equation and provides you with so many practical and theoretical (if you want that too) tips and advice.

One-off Coaching Call, March 2021

Catherine always remained calm and collected

Catherine always remained calm and collected even during times filled with conflict in couples therapy. She managed to bring back my then boyfriend to a calmer state and I felt like she was standing up for me when I couldn't. I felt like I had a good bond with her and trusted her so that I could open up in front of her.

Couples Therapy, August 2020

I feel I am in a very different place

One of the most useful things about going to counselling was learning so much about myself. I feel I am in a very different place from when I first started and I owe it to the support and help which Catherine offered. I will not rule out returning if I feel I need to, but for now I feel happy with the place I am in.

Individual Therapy, July 2019

Such a calming force

[Catherine] was such a calming force, I felt very supported, she pointed out a few things I should look at, gave a book recommendation, she reframed some of the issues I had swirling around in my head, and she was able to bring the conversation to really nice ending point.

One-off Coaching Session, February 2021

I really found the whole experience really helpful

What was most helpful about your counselling?

Having a different perspective on my situation and what I was going through. Talking through how I was feeling and then being directed by Catherine to look at things in a different way and make connections to other parts of my life and relationships helped to make sense of things. I really found the whole experience really helpful and exactly what I needed at the point I was at. Thank you for your help.

Individual Therapy, June 2018

You were excellent

Thanks for all your help. I will be in touch if I need to in the future. You were excellent.

Couples Therapy, November 2017

I felt extremely well heard and held

What was most helpful about working with Catherine?

The clarity of her questions, including when completing the questionnaire before the session. Catherine's style of covering the points that I raised in a direct but sensitive way; I felt extremely well heard and held.

One-off Coaching Session, November 2020

Catherine was wise and supportive

Catherine was wise and supportive, picking out elements of my story and helping me see things in a different way. I will probably return at some stage; Catherine has been very kind and helpful at a difficult time in my life.

Individual Therapy, August 2017

She helped me through the fog of self doubt

Catherine describes herself as a demystifier – and she is. But not just of psychobabble. She helped me through the fog of self doubt, delusion, depression that clouded me in a difficult period of my life. And in place of fog she helped install the ropes and tackle I needed to climb onto dry land, out from the cold, and find a seat back by the fire. But equally, she possesses a superpower (and a useful one for a therapist): she has an off-the-chart ability to listen. To make you hear her listening, to adjust the quality of silence you sometimes need to say what you didn’t know you were going to say, to make you feel heard. Her empathy is palpable; yet I’ve never once felt patronised. Most extraordinary is that she does all this without judgement or prejudice, but with sincerity and good humour. It’s pretty much the perfect combination and I can’t think of anybody who wouldn’t benefit from talking to Catherine. And I can’t thank her enough.

Individual Therapy, January 2018

The help you’ve given me has been invaluable

I just want to say a huge thank you for the past year. The help you’ve given me has been invaluable and I’ve learnt so much about myself, my past, and my relationship to the wider world. Your guidance and help will stand to me for the rest of my life and I’ve made so many positive changes in the past year, a lot of which I feel I owe to you. Thank you so much for everything.

Individual Therapy, May 2017