It’s normal for sex to drop down the agenda when you have a baby, but if it’s been months – maybe even years – you might be starting to worry.

Right now, honestly, is sex something that brings you more stress than pleasure?

Do you want to know how to talk about it without getting into an argument?

Most couples find that sex is an important part of them feeling properly connected. And when you’re having good sex, you’re much more likely to feel the relaxed ease with one another that you enjoyed early in your relationship.

Sex Life Troubles Are Stressful and Upsetting

Worrying about your sex life can be stressful.

With everything else you’re coping with, you might have been trying not to think about it too much.

But then the subject comes up, or your partner goes to make a move on you, and how do you feel then? Often new mums describe a confusing mix of resentment and guilt.

Or maybe you’re the one who’s feeling rejected and frustrated?

Either way, it can be lonely, and worrying.

I Can Help You Get Your Sex Life Back On Track

As a therapist specialising in the transition to parenthood, I help couples to reconnect – and stay close.

I’m a communication and intimacy specialist, with an approach which is always grounded in research.

And I’m a married mother of two, with eighteen years of ups and downs in my own relationship that I’ve learned from too.

Back In The Sack – The Sex After Kids Workbook

Back in the Sack is a 31-page PDF workbook which will support you on your journey back to being lovers again.

You’ll learn about the common blocks and patterns that can make sexual connection feel so out-of-reach once we become parents, and what you can do about them.

You’ll do a deep dive into where you want to be, and what you need in order to get there, guided by over 30 journaling prompts.

Plus you’ll benefit from pages of practical tips on how you can improve communication about sex, and ultimately both get more of your needs met.

Get Your Sex Life Back On Track Today

Click here to read more about the workbook or hit the button if you’re ready to go.

Download Back In The Sack Now

Don’t Let Your Connection Fade

Sex is just one element of a committed relationship, but for most of us it’s an important one.

When couples let their physical connection wither, sooner or later they start to feel the impact outside the bedroom too.

It’s natural for sex to go down the list of priorities when our babies are tiny.

But sooner or later, they need us to reconnect.

Because what children need to thrive is happy, healthy parents who gain satisfaction from their adult relationships.

Your Sex Life Back On Track – Enjoy Being Lovers Again

I know how much you want to feel better about sex.

You want a future where you feel more relaxed and freer around each other.

Where you know how to ask for what you need to get in the mood, and it happens more often.

Where you give each other a cheeky look over breakfast with the kids, knowing that you are more to each other than “Mum and Dad”.

Download Back In The Sack today and find your way back to being lovers again.

Download Back In The Sack Now

The post Get Your Sex Life Back On Track After Kids appeared first on Insight & Connection.

Stress is the reaction that happens when we feel that the demands of a situation outstrip our resources to cope.

So I think most of us can say that our stress levels have been higher than usual at least some of the time over the last few weeks!

Parents in particular have been telling me lately how much being in lockdown reminds them of those stressful early days of parenthood.

Spending a lot more time at home together, being responsible for the kids 24/7, and worrying about money – these things certainly put the pressure on.

The better we understand the impact that stress has on our relationships, the more effective we will be at safeguarding them against its worst effects.

So I wanted to share a few tips to get you through this time. And hopefully they will help you more generally with those moments when it just all feels like too much, so that you can stay close and connected to your loved ones.

Times of Stress: Togetherness or Space?

The first thing to be aware of is that we all have many and varied ways of coping with stress. If you think back over your life you’ll realise that you’re actually very resilient. The chances are you’ve got through many situations despite your first thought about it being “I can’t cope with this”.

Most couples are made up of two people whose main way of dealing with stress is different. There is usually one who seeks togetherness with their partner (or closest attachment figure) when under stress, and one who seeks space. You can see how that might not always work out very well!

Picture the scene: you’re both under stress.

The togetherness-seeker wants to be close to their partner. They like to talk things though and feel like they resolve issues. And if they’re not able to do this, it makes them feel anxious and abandoned. Then they try harder to be heard.

However the space-seeker tends to deal with stress by moving away from their partner. They might appear uninterested in talking things through, or like they don’t take issues seriously. This is because when they’re anxious they need space.

This can become a problem when we don’t recognise that our partner’s need for togetherness or space is their way of coping with stress, just like ours. This can leads us to take their actions personally, or sometimes to criticise one another.

Neither way of coping with stress is better than the other. The first step to stopping this from becoming a problem for you is to recognise the pattern. Try not to blame yourselves or each other for your part in it, but to speak about the pattern and what it’s like for you openly and compassionately.

Stress and Your Mood

Another useful thing to recognise is that it’s natural to be more irritable and maybe even get snappy with one another when we’re under stress.

Lots of conflict can be avoided by us being a bit more thoughtful about our own moods and each other’s.

So for yourself that means taking responsibility for your own moods. And I don’t mean you can’t ever be grumpy – of course not! But you recognise that it’s your job to do things that make you feel good so that you’re a pleasant person to be around.

When you are feeling rubbish, remember that low moods make us lose perspective. So wait until you’re feeling better before deciding whether to address an issue with your partner.

And when it comes to your partner, give them a wide berth when they’re in a bad mood. Remind yourself not to take their moods personally. And don’t raise issues when they seem unhappy, because it’s unlikely to be productive then either.

Getting Overwhelmed

Speaking of losing perspective, there’s a psychological concept that it’s really useful to know about which is called ‘flooding’.

Essentially what this describes is when we’re having a disagreement or an argument which becomes so stressful that our bodies respond with a kind of fight or flight response as if we’re in actual, physical danger.

So our hearts beats faster and harder, blood pressure rises – it feels horrible!

This physiological response makes is difficult to listen, process information or be creative in problem solving.

So my last tip would be to keep an eye out for this. When you recognise when this is happening, you can take a break and come back to your discussion when you both feel calmer. This way your brains will be firing on all cylinders again too.

You can read more about flooding and how to resolve arguments constructively here.

Love In Lockdown

I have a course out at the moment called Love In Lockdown which is all about how to handle stress, overwhelm and the pressures on you as a couple right now.

It has a section specifically on coping with the challenges of social distancing and being in lockdown. Plus it goes into much more detail about how you can stop stress from causing issues in your relationships.

And lastly it has a section on how you can shift your perspective on your partner’s annoying habits. (If you’re anything like me you’re probably finding those particularly challenging right now!)

The course is made up of videos packed full of practical tips, and PDFs with prompts to help you to process and discuss what you’re going through right now, so that you can get through this as a couple stronger than ever.

Click here to sign up for Love In Lockdown now.⁣

And if you are interested in working with me 121 I am currently seeing clients for individual and couples counselling via Zoom. If you would like to arrange a session, or just to discuss how I might be able to help, you can contact me here.

The post Stress and Your Relationships appeared first on Insight & Connection.

Love In Lockdown⁣

This course is made up of a series of short videos which will talk you through how to:⁣⁣

• Cope with being in lockdown together so that you don’t just survive but thrive as a couple⁣
• Recognise when a disagreement is becoming unproductive and know what to do next⁣
• Deal with feelings of overwhelm so that they don’t get in the way of you being the parent and partner you want to be⁣
• Understand how your different approaches to coping with stress might cause problems in your relationship, and what each of you can do to avoid this⁣
• Move from irritated by to accepting of each other’s habits, even when it’s hard to get any space from each other⁣

Love In Lockdown – Course Details

Each section is made up of a combination of short videos and PDFs with over 30 journalling and/or discussion prompts.⁣
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These are designed to support you to work through what you’re going through, get clear on what you need to get through this, and have open, productive conversations about it with your partner.⁣
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These will help you to face the challenges of the pandemic together and get through this stronger than ever.⁣
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For a limited time only this course is available at an introductory price of just £12!

Do you know anyone who would benefit from this course?

If you know anyone who would benefit from this course, you can forward this email, or share a post about it on Instagram or Facebook.

None of us would have chosen this and yet here we are: at home together, trying to make the best of it for ourselves and our children.
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There has never been a better time to invest in your relationship.⁣
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Sign up for this course to learn key relationship skills which will serve you way beyond when the lockdown is over.⁣

Click here to find out more and enroll or here if you would like to get in touch.

The post Love In Lockdown – the Online Course appeared first on Insight & Connection.