How was your Christmas break?

I hope it was restorative, with a chance for reflection and some thought about your intentions for the new year – and perhaps even the next decade.

I also know that it was likely tiring, largely fuelled by sugar and alcohol, and a bit of a challenge for some of your closest relationships. (I’m no grinch but I do love the return to the usual routine!)

Relationship Goals 2.0 is back this spring

As you know I’m a married mum of two, and a relationship therapist.

In my personal and professional life I’ve found that most of us are just trying our best to be happy together… but it’s not always easy and sometimes we feel at a bit of a loss as to what we actually need to do to get there.

Luckily there is loads of research into what the happiest couples do to stay close and connected, and I set up Relationship Goals 2.0 so that I can share it with you… in the pub!

The next event is happening on Thursday 6th February 2020 at The Poets Ale and Smokehouse, 33 Montgomery Street, Hove, BN3 5BF.

It’s on the theme of POSITIVITY, and you can book your tickets here: Facebook / Eventbrite

The Benefits of Relationship Goals 2.0

Would you like to feel more confident that you know what you need to do in order to…

• Strengthen your relationship?
• Improve communication?
• Increase affection?
• Enjoy more intimacy?
• Manage disagreements so they neither escalate nor get left unresolved?
• Be the best parenting team possible?

What to expect at Relationship Goals 2.0

Firstly let me reassure you that no audience participation is required!

What happens is that you grab a drink on your way in, order some food if you fancy, come upstairs, sit with whoever you came with, and have a chat with them – prompted by some questions I leave out on the tables.

Then I interrupt your conversation to give my talk. I share a whole load of research-based wisdom on a different theme each time. We’re starting 2020 by taking about POSITIVITY, including:

• Giving each other the benefit of the doubt
• Supporting each other through life’s ups and downs
• Parenting as a team
• How to be a good listener

Finally I’ll invite you to carry on your conversation from earlier, informed by some of what you’ve heard.

That’s it! No group activities, trust exercises, or expectation for you to share anything you’re not comfortable with.

If you want to come with a friend or on your own that’s cool too and you’ll still be able to chat to each other – or me! – about the stuff we cover. Book your tickets here: Facebook / Eventbrite

Feedback from previous events:

I get that coming along to something different like this – especially on such a personal topic – might mean steppng out of your comfort zone.

That’s why I make these nights as relaxed and fun as I can, as you can tell from the feedback from previous ones (see here for more):

“It was lighthearted and fun, got us chatting. Wasn’t as ‘deep’ as I thought – and that’s a good thing!”

“The structure was good – having a bit of info/presentation followed by something interactive and fun.”

“Loved the game – was great to do something fun with my husband, something we don’t usually do, and to realise our similarities.”

Get in touch

I am very friendly and approachable, so please don’t hesitate to email me if you have any questions. You can also watch some of my videos to get a sense of what my talks are like.

Book your tickets today! Facebook / Eventbrite

March and April Events

Relationship Goals 2.0 on POSITIVITY is just the start of this year’s opportunities to invest in your relationship in such a relaxed, fun way.

Here are the details of the following two events:

Thursday 5th March 2020 – SPACE: Facebook / Eventbrite

• Dealing with disagreements
• Avoiding getting into horrible rows
• The pursuer-distancer pattern and how to break it
• The difference between solvable and perpetual problems, and how to deal with them

Thursday 2nd April 2020 – UNDERSTANDING: Facebook / Eventbrite 

• Raising issues gently and constructively
• Understanding each other’s points of view
• Changing direction when your discussions take a turn for the worse
• How to be masters of the art of compromise

Plus the 3 for 2 offer is back this spring, so just book your tickets to the first two events and I will email you a code to get your tickets for the third one absolutely free!

The post Happy New Year – Relationship Goals 2.0 is Back for 2020! appeared first on Insight & Connection.

I have a number of speaking events coming up this autumn in Brighton and Hove.

Firstly, this Saturday 14th September I’m going to be at The Mother Fair, an event for new and expectant mothers, speaking about relationships after kids.

Hosted by Hayley, founder of Bump2BumpClub, The Mother Fair is an exclusive event that focuses on the wellbeing of mothers. Hayley’s mission is to encourage self-care and acts of kindness, to share valuable and insightful information, boost self-esteem, and create a community of likeminded women.

I’ll be there looking to meet lots of local parents to spread the word about Relationship Goals 2.0. Plus I’ll be giving a talk entitled Becoming parents changes relationships – how to not just survive but thrive as a couple.

I’ll be speaking at 3pm. But I would recommend getting there earlier so that you can catch some of the other great talks and demos.

The Mother Fair Talks and Demos Schedule

• 12:30pm – Live fashion styling with Jess Wardrobes
• 1:00pm – Physical well-being during pregnancy and beyond with Physiotone Pilates
• 1:30pm – The Fourth Trimester with Shore Beginnings
• 2:00pm – Breastfeeding Tips and troubleshooting with Nuzzle Up
• 2:30pm – Baby First Aid Demo from Daisy First Aid Brighton & Hove
• 3:00pm – Relationships with Insight & Connection (THAT’S ME!)
• 3:30pm – Yoga Nidra for Mamas with Pregnancy Yoga Portslade

Plus throughout the event (12-4pm) get FREE massage and reflexology with Lunar Balance Massage Therapy.

As well as the talks and demos, The Mother Fair offers a range of products and services. These include maternity and nursing clothing pop-ups, as well as jewellery and lifestyle shopping.

Do you know any pregnant or new-ish mothers? If so, please tell them about this lovely opportunity for a bit of “me time”. Tickets are available here and you can find the Facebook event page here.

Three More Relationship Goals 2.0 Speaking Events

Next up we have my main regular speaking event, Relationship Goals 2.0. And we’ve got three of these lined up this autumn, on the themes of CURIOSITY, RESPECT, and ATTENTION.

Relationship Goals 2.0 is a relaxed, fun pub night for parents and parents-to-be. I give a brief talk about relationships after kids on a different theme each time. Then I give out an activity for you to do with whoever you came with. It’s designed to help you to feel really connected, perhaps more than you have in some time. And you can take it home with you, to help you continue the conversation with your partner.

Here’s a little preview of what we’re going to be talking about at the next 3 events…

Thursday 19th September – CURIOSITY (Facebook / Eventbrite)

• staying curious about each other even when you’ve been together for years, and using that curiosity to stay connected as a couple
• harnessing the power of curiosity to improve your communication, and break those negative cycles that lead to rows or distance between you
• the attachment needs for love and security that must be met before we can make the most of all of the above

Thursday 17th October – RESPECT (Facebook / Eventbrite)

• the power of expressing your appreciation and admiration for your partner
• the 4 toxic communication styles (one, two, three, four) that ruin relationships, and what to do to make sure you don’t get sucked into each one of them

Thursday 21st November – ATTENTION (Facebook / Eventbrite)

• the 3 ways that we respond to our partners when they try to get our attention (one, two, three), and how much they matter to the health of our relationships
• how to express your needs clearly and effectively

A Special Offer!

It was wonderful to read the feedback about how relaxed, fun, and useful the people who came found the first event. But it was just the beginning! If you’re committed to making your relationship the best it can be, I have so much more to share with you, and more fun activities to help strengthen your bond.

In recognition of the power of making a commitment to make your relationship brilliant, I’m offering 3 events for the price of 2 this autumn. Just book your tickets to the first two events and I will email you a code to get your tickets for the third one absolutely free!

AND because I’m all about encouraging more open conversations about relationships after kids, I also want to offer you a recommend-a-friend discount of 20% off all tickets!

Do you know anyone you think would enjoy and benefit from coming along to a Relationship Goals 2.0 event? Please invite them along, and give them the code LETSTALK.

AND – because I really want to make these events as useful, accessible and fun as possible – you can use the code yourself too (and it doesn’t exclude you from the 3 for 2 deal, so grab a bargain!).

Insight & Connection Speaking Events

I’m a counsellor specialising in relationship issues with a special interest in the transition to parenthood. If you are interested in booking me to speak at an event or host a workshop, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. You can give me a call on 07428 396671 or use the online form.

You can also join my mailing list here.

(Photo by Harry Wells.)

The post Speaking Events This Autumn appeared first on Insight & Connection.

Relationship Goals 2.0 is a relaxed event in a room above a pub, where parents have fun together while learning about the skills and habits that couples need to be really happy together.

It’s a monthly(ish!) themed event where each topic is designed to build on the last, so don’t miss this next one if you want to:

• Strengthen your relationship
• Improve communication
• Increase affection
• Enjoy more intimacy
• Manage disagreements better
• Be the best parenting team possible

Feedback from the First Event

My aim with this event is to offer something useful, accessible and fun to local parents. 

By that measure it seems the first one was a success!

Here are a few of my favourite comments…

“It was lighthearted and fun, got us chatting. Wasn’t as ‘deep’ as I thought – and that’s a good thing!”

“Good mixture of info and fun.”

“Really enjoyed your openness and enthusiasm.”

“It was so comforting to hear/see others that are going through similar things.”

“Useful information and interesting research findings.”

“Good game to stimulate conversation and discussion/talking points – I learnt a few things I didn’t know!”

Relationship Goals 2.0 on Curiosity

Did you know that Einstein said “I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious”?

If Einstein attributed his brilliance to the power of curiosity, imagine what it could do for you and your relationships!

At this event I’m going to tell you all about how being curious about yourselves, each other, and your relationship is a powerful protector agains some of the biggest threats to your happiness as a couple.

Including:

• using curiosity to stay connected as a couple
• staying curious about each other even when you’ve been together for years
• harnessing the power of curiosity to improve your communication, and break those negative cycles that lead you into conflict
• the attachment needs for love and security that must be met before we can make the most of all of this

Then I’ll give you an activity to do with whoever you came with (you can come with a partner or a friend) which is designed to be interesting, fun, and help you to deepen your connection.

And I’ll give you the activity to take home with you to help you continue the conversation with your partner.

Why come along to Relationship Goals 2.0?

Relationship Goals 2.0 is an investment in your relationship which will help you to…

• Remember why you got together in the first place
• Celebrate your journey so far
• Learn how to keep getting to know each other better as life keeps changing you
• Meet each other with respect, affection and empathy even on the harder days
• Feel really positive about your relationship

Join us upstairs at The Poets Ale and Smoke House, 33 Montgomery Street, Hove, on Thursday 1st August, 8-9pm. 

As a subscriber to this newsletter you can get 20% off with discount code NEWSLETTER.

CLICK HERE TO BOOK TICKETS.

P.S. Want to invite your partner or some friends? You can find the Facebook event here.

P.P.S. I post free communication and closeness tips on Instagram so don’t forget to follow me there.

The post Relationship Goals 2.0 on Curiosity appeared first on Insight & Connection.

Relationship Goals 2.0 is a new event for parents in Brighton and Hove who want to make their relationships the best they can be so that they can have the family life they’ve always dreamed about.

Do you want to…

• Strengthen your relationship?
• Improve communication?
• Increase affection?
• Enjoy more intimacy?
• Manage disagreements better?
• Be the best parenting team possible?

I can show you how!

Relationships After Kids

Relationships after kids come along are hard sometimes.

But they don’t have to be miserable…

You can learn the skills and habits that you need to feel really happy in your relationship.

We’re going to meet in a private room upstairs the pub and talk about what love looks like on the other side of having kids.

You can come as a couple, with a friend, or on your own.

First I’m going to give a brief talk about how to have a great relationship. (The kind of relationship that makes you both feel supported to be the best parents you can.)

Then we’ll have some fun asking each other the kinds of questions that deepen connection.

At the end of the night you’ll go home with some prompts to help you continue the conversation with your partner.

Questions About Relationship Goals 2.0

Here are the answers to a few questions I’ve received. If you have more, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

1. I’ll be the only one expected to speak in front of the group. You’ll be welcome to join in the discussion and ask questions, but if you prefer to come along and just listen, that’s totally cool too.⁣
   ⁣
2. The aim of the night is to take a really positive, fun approach to how you can make your relationship fantastic. It’s not about dragging up all your issues (because let’s face it, all couples have them!) but about thinking about the little things you can do every day to get on brilliantly.⁣
   ⁣
3. You don’t have to have kids yet or even be in a relationship to come along. If you’re considering parenthood, or pregnant, or a single parent who wants to make their next relationship better than your last, you’re welcome to join us.⁣

The Themes and Details

This is just the first event in a series which will show you how to…

• Remember what brought you together in the first place
• Celebrate your journey so far
• Learn how to keep getting to know each other better as life keeps changing you
• Meet each other with respect, affection and empathy even on the harder days
• Feel really positive about your relationship

The theme of the first event is TOGETHERNESS – how to go on the journey together as parenthood (and life!) inevitably changes you. 

Join us upstairs at The Poets Ale and Smoke House, 33 Montgomery Street, Hove, this Thursday 4th July, 8-9pm. 

As a subscriber to my newsletter I’d like to offer you 50% off the ticket price of £10pp with the code NEWSLETTER.

>>> CLICK HERE TO BOOK TICKETS! <<<

P.S. Want to invite your partner or friend(s)? You can find the Facebook event here.

P.P.S. I post free communication and closeness tips on Instagram so don’t forget to follow me there too.

The post Relationship Goals 2.0 is This Thursday! appeared first on Insight & Connection.

We’re going to get together in a private room above a pub and talk about what love looks like on the other side of having kids.

You can come with a partner, a friend, or on your own.

I’m going to start by giving a brief talk about what the research tells us about how to have a great relationship, which supports you in being the best parents you can be.

Then we’ll have some fun as I guide you through the kind of questions that deepen connection.

At the end of the night you’ll go home with some prompts to help you continue the conversation with your partner.

Relationship Goals 2.0 Event For Parents in Brighton and Hove

I love my work as a relationship therapist, helping individuals and couples with problems large and small.

But I wanted to offer something different. Something useful, accessible and fun, for anyone who wants to feel closer to their partner. And to know how to deal with it better when they feel a bit disconnected.

Because I know form my personal and professional experience that being a partner and a parent can be challenging sometimes for everyone.

So if you’re a parent (or soon to be parent) and a partner, and you want your relationship to be then best it can be, Relationship Goals 2.0 is for you.

The first event is on 4th July, 8-9pm. We’ll be upstairs The Poets Ale and Smoke House, 33 Montgomery Street, Hove, BN3 5BF.

It’s going to be on the theme of TOGETHERNESS. That is: how to go on the journey together as parenthood (and life!) inevitably changes you. 

Get Tickets for Relationship Goals 2.0

As a subscriber to my newsletter I’d like to offer you 50% off the ticket price of £10pp. The discount code is NEWSLETTER and it is transferable so please feel free to share it with anyone you know who might be interested in this event.

➡️ Click here to book tickets! ⬅️

P.S. If you know anyone who might be interested in this event, please forward this email/page. You can also share the event on Facebook or Instagram. Thanks so much!

P.P.S. If you’re not local to Brighton and Hove I’m working on an online version of the content we’ll be covering. I’ll let you know when it’s released.

The post A New Event For Parents in Brighton and Hove! appeared first on Insight & Connection.

I am pleased to announce that I am now offering Walk and Talk Therapy!

Are you are interested in trying counselling? But don’t fancy spending another hour of your week sitting down? Walk and Talk Therapy could be for you.

At my office in Hove we’re close to beautiful green space Hove Park. This is a wonderful community hub, made up of 40 acres of open grass, mature trees and flower beds. It’s a great place to get some gentle exercise and all the benefits of being out in nature.

Walk and Talk Therapy is available now to both new and existing clients. If you would like to discuss trying this approach, please ask at your next session. Or if you are a new client, you can get in touch here.

Being Out In Nature

How much of your day do you spend under fluorescent lights? How about staring at a computer screen, at the TV, or your phone?

The mental health benefits of spending time out in nature are huge. Here is a small selection of the research:

• Spending time outdoors has been found to lower the stress hormone cortisol by more than 15%, lower average pulse by almost 4%, and blood pressure by just over 2%
• It has also been linked to lower levels of inflammation, which is linked to a reduced risk of autoimmune disorders, inflammatory bowel disease, depression, and cancer
• Natural environments are rich in the characteristics necessary to help us recover from mental fatigue
• One study found that walks in the forest were associated with decreased levels of anxiety and bad moods. Another found that outdoor walks could be “useful clinically as a supplement to existing treatments” for depression
• Walking in nature has been found to boost short-term memory by almost 20%
• An analysis of 10 earlier studies about walking in nature found that  “every green environment improved both self-esteem and mood”
• Another study found that people immersed in nature for four days boosted their performance on a creative problem-solving test by 50%

Imagine the difference that an hour a week in nature – with the support of a professional – could make to your ability to find your way out of your current difficulties.

From Disconnection to Feeling Better

In his latest book Lost Connections, Johann Hari questions the chemical imbalance medical model of mental health issues.

He interviews a number of social scientists around the world, considering the social causes of depression and anxiety under the following categories:

• Lack of meaningful work
• Disconnection from other people
• Disconnection from meaningful values
• Childhood trauma
• Lack of status and respect
• Disconnection from the natural world
• Lack of a hopeful or secure future

These are all things which it can be helpful to explore in therapy. And often the process of counselling can help you to see clearly what you can change.

For example:

• Therapy can help you to process any difficult childhood experiences or other traumas
• The more we talk, the more you’ll come to understand yourself and your core values. (Is this something you want to work on in more depth? If so I have a great exercise we can do with a pack of values cards)
• My specialism is your relationships and how you can make the most of them, healing your disconnection from others
• Through thinking about what you really want from your life, you might see a way to change your work, or see the value in the work you do
• Nothing can increase your sense of status more than your own self-respect, which is rooted in self-knowledge
• As you start to feel better, you will regain your hope for the future

The one area that therapy has not traditionally been able to help with is disconnection from the natural world. This is where Walk and Talk Therapy comes in.

How Does Being Out In Nature Help?

On our sense of disconnection from the natural world and the benefits of spending time out in nature, Johann Hari writes,

When you are depressed… you feel that “now everything is about you”. You become trapped in your own story and your own thoughts, and they rattle around in your head with a dull, bitter insistence. Becoming depressed or anxious is a process of becoming a prisoner of your ego, where no air from the outside can get in. But a range of scientists have shown that a common reaction to being out in the world is the precise opposite of this sensation – a feeling of awe.

Faced with a natural landscape, you have a sense that you and your concerns are very small, and the world is very big – and that sensation can shrink the ego down to a manageable size. “It’s something larger than yourself,” Isabel [Behncke] said, looking around her. “There’s something very deeply, animally healthy in that sensation. People love it when it occurs its brief, fleeting moments.” And this helps you see the deeper and wider ways in which you are connected to everything around you. “It’s almost like a metaphor for belonging in a grander system,” she says. “You’re always embedded in a network,” even when you don’t realize it; you are “just one more node” in this enormous tapestry.

Hove Park is no Grand Canyon! But walking outside, seeing the space and the trees and the sky, you can get a little taste of this sensation.

Walk and Talk Therapy: The Practicalities

You might have questions about the practicalities of Walk and Talk Therapy. It is important that we consider carefully whether it will be right for you. This will include how we will manage confidentiality in a public space, and what we might do in inclement weather.

We can discuss those details in person, but you can read more about how Walk and Talk Therapy works here.

If you’re interested in trying Walk and Talk Therapy you can give me a call on 07428 396671, use the online form to get in touch, or ask about it in your next session.

You can also join my mailing list here.

*From Lost Connections: Uncovering The Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions, by Johann Hari.

The post Introducing Walk and Talk Therapy appeared first on Insight & Connection.

This idea started in San Francisco as Sidewalk Talk, and Gift Health were bringing it to Brighton, right in the middle of the Brighton Festival.

What is the Listening Project Brighton?

The premise is very simple: two chairs, one for the listener and one for a passer by who wants to be listened to. All I had to do was

• turn up
• wear the You Talk We Listen t-shirt
• lay out some posters
• invite some strangers to come and talk to me

The organisers described the Listening Project Brighton as their gift to the community of Brighton and Hove. The intention was to create spaces around the city for talking and listening, supporting emotional health. They also hoped that the project might go some way towards countering any reputation that therapy might have of being scary or intimidating. The email said,

“This project aims to promote the process of reaching out to those who need to talk, relieving some of the pressure and anxiety associated with first engagement.”

Well I am always keen to do what I can to help demystify counselling and therapy, so I signed up right away.

So on Saturday, in the rain, I turned up at the meeting place. I met the other volunteers and pulled the You Talk We Listen t-shirt on over my rain jacket. Then I went, with my two chairs, to the location I had been assigned. It was the University of Sussex campus, where we set up outside the library. I was actually a little disappointed at first, because the other volunteers were all among the hustle and bustle of the city centre: at the Queen’s Head, Brighthelm Gardens, the Komedia, Duke Street, the Pavilion Gardens Cafe, and even on Brighton Pier.

The Listening Project at Sussex University, Brighton

However, once we got up there and got started, I realised quite what a gift it was to take The Listening Project Brighton to the steps of the University library right in the middle of exam season.

Keen to get people’s attention, I stood up and asked passers-by, “would you like to be listened to?” A few people looked at me strangely or nervously scooted away, but others showed signs of curiosity. Some stopped to read the posters and ask more about it. When anyone seemed interested, I invited them to take a seat, come and talk to me (“about what?!” “about anything!”), and I would listen.

It was a really fascinating experience. I heard a lot about exam stress, and the impact on friendships and other relationships when it feels like everyone is going through their own stressful time at once. People told me about their frustrations with the higher education system, and their political and philosophical ideas. I heard about what it’s like to be getting ready to go home again after a few months getting to know an alien culture.

After about ten minutes, the organisers had told us to ask “what was it like being listened to today?” and then “Is there anyone else in your life you could listen to like this, to pass this on?”

The Value of Being Listened To

Every single one of those I had listened to said it had been a good experience. Most of them expressed having been surprised at just how good it felt. This should come as no surprise to me really! I do this for a living because I believe in the power of being heard, and see its capacity for healing every week. But there was something about offering this experience to people who weren’t expecting it, and really didn’t know what to expect from it, that shone a new light on it for me. Just being really, properly listened to is such a simple but powerful thing.

To the second question too: everyone I listened to was keen to go and tell someone about their experience, and offer to do the same for them. And that for me was the best thing about this project. And also why I feel it fit in especially well with this year’s theme for Mental Health Awareness Week, which was relationships.

Because sometimes clients tell me that they worry that coming to counselling, spending that time and money on themselves, is selfish. Or that reflecting on their experiences – on themselves – will make them self-centred. However, in my experience, quite the opposite is true.

Passing on the Benefits of Being Listened To

When we are truly listened to, and supported by a professional counsellor in making sense of our worlds, two things happen. One is that, just like with The Listening Project Brighton, we feel the power of the experience. We become keen to pass it on, to become better listeners. And to have deeper and more meaningful conversations with the other people in our lives. The other is that through the process of therapy we come to see things more clearly. This makes us more willing and more able to make changes in our lives, to live more authentically. And this too – though rarely easy – often brings changes that ultimately deepen our relationships.

Has reading about the Listening Project Brighton got you wondering how you could benefit from being truly listened to? If you’re interested you can email me here or give me a call on 07428 396671. You can also join my mailing list here.

You can find Gift Health on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

The post The Listening Project In Brighton appeared first on Insight & Connection.